A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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