Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He did a backflip because drugs
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