Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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