Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
