got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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