I love watching others lives come down to our level.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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