I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
