So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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