even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
