I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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