i just had sex bonerless
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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