nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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