I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
