you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
