It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
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