I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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