In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sext me about skeletons
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
