How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
