i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
