"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We need a shit load of segways right now
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
