you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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