If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
