Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
