Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
