Screwed.edu
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
