it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
