She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
