i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
