wakey wakey hands off snakey
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
