I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
