going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
