everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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