Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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