not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
