Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
