WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
