she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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