just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
