What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
