After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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