Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
