I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
