I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
