Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
