Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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