and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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