The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm bleeding and have questions
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
