Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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