I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
