I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
