Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
