Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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