Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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