Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
