..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
