I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
